What’s my “Why?” Part 1: I’m the luckiest girl in the world…

I worked a good long while, I saved up some money, and now I am retired.

Just about every morning of my life I get up out of my soft bed in my air-conditioned house, I put on my red hi-tops and whatever other comfortable clothes I am going to wear for the day, I kiss my sweet husband, I pet my doggies, and I go to Whataburger.

I fill up my super-cool stainless steel Whatacup with mostly ice and some Diet Coke, I order a Jalapeno Cheddar Biscuit with sausage, I say “Hi” to all my Whatafriends, and I head to my corner booth where there is a plug. I set up my snazzy laptop and I settle in to read a little, do a little social-media-ing, and maybe, if I am feeling ambitious, do a little writing before I get going on my, usually pleasant, day’s activities. This is a long way of saying I am living the dream!

Not to be a downer, but sometimes while I am listening to the clink of the ice falling into my cup, I think about how strange it is that in the same world where I am living such a beautiful life there are people who don’t have water much less a plentiful supply of ice. There are people huddling together in bomb shelters, people starving as they watch their children go hungry. Closer to home there are people wandering the streets fighting their own mental health demons while begging for money just to be able to keep body and soul together. There are women in despair because they don’t know how to leave their abusive husbands – especially now that they are pregnant again. The list goes on and on of people who are living a nightmare while I am living the dream.

This bothers me. Maybe it bothers you too or maybe I am a weirdo. (“Why not both?” you may be thinking…) Why am I so lucky?

Maybe it’s because they are lazier than I am? I like to work, and I am a hard worker, and I do think that helped me have a great life, but I know plenty of people who work/worked much harder than I ever have who do not have nearly as great a life as I do.

Is it because I am a better person? I do think I am a good person, or at least I try to be. I do think being a good person helps, but some of the best people I know – far better than me when it comes to kindness and generosity– have much harder lives than I do. That’s not even counting the people starving or the people huddling in bomb shelters. I imagine at least some of them are good people too.

Maybe it’s because I am a Christian and they are not? I am a Christian. I’m not as Christian-y as some, and Jesus may have some things to say to me when it’s all over, but I feel like he is going to take me in when it comes right down to it. I know plenty of people who are more devout than I am who do not have as great of a life. When it comes right down to it, I know of people who are not Christian at all and don’t claim to be who seem to be living really good lives. I don’t think that’s it.

Is it because I made better choices? I did make some great choices. I finished my education. I married a good person. I chose to save some money along the way when I could have spent it. I pretty much stayed on the straight and narrow and didn’t do too many crimes. I do think those choices really helped. On the other hand, I was lucky to even have those choices to make. Also, I have, and have always had, enough “buffer” in my life that even when I make a bad choice I can usually recover quickly.

I don’t feel guilty about my wonderful life. I enjoy it. I am thankful for it every day. I don’t feel bad that I am so lucky, but I do wonder why so many people are so unlucky, and I wonder if it has to be that way. Do they have to be unlucky for me to be lucky? I don’t think so. In fact, I think we would all be better off if more of us were living the dream – or at least had a reasonable shot at it – and fewer of us were living the nightmare.

I think quite a lot about politics these days. Some of you know I even went as far as to apply to the LBJ Women’s Campaign School which I am in the middle of completing right now. During the first week of campaign school one of the main things we talked about is “What is your ‘Why?’” What has gotten you up off the couch and moving? What is going to keep you motivated when things get hard and you are tired? I heard lots of inspiring stories from other people about their various “Whys.” I thought all week about my “Why.”

One of the problems with me being a politician is that I have a hard time explaining my “why” in a way that is moving and inspiring. I tend to take too many words to explain it, it doesn’t fit very well on meme, or a sticker, or even one of those big, glossy postcards you get during campaign season, but I’ll take a swing at explaining at least part of it here…

I think we over-romanticize struggling – especially struggling for other people. I think struggling is kind of like fire: a little bit, under controlled conditions, is good and useful, but too much is dangerous and bad. I think a little bit of a struggle – working hard, figuring out things for yourself, walking through the unavoidable tragedies of life – is fine, even good. But, like fire, too much struggle is bad for people, it causes damage, sometimes irreparable harm.

When we see people facing terrible struggles we often believe and govern as if their struggles are their own fault and if we do “too much” to help ease those struggles we will make people lazy, or they will just take advantage of us. Would we do that if we were in that position and someone helped us?

Sure, people do stupid things and make awful decisions — and that causes some struggle. I think we over-estimate that though. I think that kind of “well-earned” struggle accounts for a fairly small percentage of the struggles people face in the world.

I think people’s struggles are very often just bad luck. I am lucky. I was born to good parents who loved me and who worked hard to have the means to take care of me – I did nothing to deserve that. I live in a prosperous country with stable laws, a good economy, and good public education. I was born healthy. I was born straight and White in a time and a place where that has provided me numerous advantages and helped me avoid numerous struggles. My childhood wasn’t perfect I don’t guess, but it was pretty darn stable and good. All that luck didn’t make me lazy and dependent and weak – I think it helped make me strong, and smart, hard-working, healthy, and hopefully kind.

I think we are out of balance in the way we respond to struggling. I think we over- romanticize the good it might do (almost always for other people) and fail to acknowledge the harm that it causes. I think we admire ourselves for our good fortune, and blame others for their misfortune, instead of acknowledging the huge role that luck plays in both.

People are not all good little angels. I know that. I know when we work toward building a society that helps alleviate struggle and gives more people a real shot at living the dream, we have to be aware that some will cheat and take advantage.

We have to make rules and take reasonable precautions against that – just like we have to have some regulations on big business so that corporations do not cheat and take advantage.

Just like we sometimes do with over-regulation of business, though, I sometimes think that in our zeal to protect ourselves from cheating by the few, we miss out on the benefit we could gain by providing stable, accessible, well-managed support for the many who are struggling who wouldn’t cheat. The cost of misplaced trust can be high, but the cost of lack of trust can be much higher – especially if we count the opportunity cost.

I think we are all better off if more of us are living the dream instead of struggling through a nightmare. I think we often overestimate people’s responsibility for their own struggles and underestimate the role of luck in our own good fortune. I think we are paying too high a cost for lack of trust in each other. I know we need reasonable rules and regulations on our efforts to alleviate struggle and to give people a better shot at “the dream,” but I think we are out of balance in that regard. I think we could do better, help more people, and we would be better off for it. I think politics and the government has a role in that.

That’s part of my “why” – but far from all of it! Ha! If you have suggestions for how I can squeeze that into button, a bumper sticker, or an Instagram post, I would love to hear them!